EASY REDS FIRST OUTING COMING SOON

The Easy Reds first outing on a full size football pitch with full size goals is coming on Saturday 25th April. Our only friendly to date was on a kiddies football pitch where we were narrowly defeated by Sutton Girl's primary. Remember though, it was a friendly so that red card Robbo got for his two footed, over the ball lunge on their 10 year old left back Maisey, won't count against him in upcoming fixtures.





This game has been eagerly anticipated in all quarters. The national television network of Andorra have already been in touch about covering the game. They have put an offer of 10 Mexican peso's, a sombrara and a straw donkey on the table so far for rights to the game. Robbo is still haggling with them and is holding out for them to throw in 2000 of those tax free Marlboro Lights you can get over there along with a bottle of their strongest sangria. before he signs the deal.





The fixture is Easy Reds vs Ajax. You may be thinking this is some sort of joke... Us playing a team called Ajax. But its no joke. They really are named after a washing powder. Pure hilarity. Apparently they are in the AFA premiere league and we are aiming for a victory by at least a 10 goal margin. I hope so anyway because I've had a small punt on 15-3.



The lads will be preparing for the game in the usual way. 10 pints of lager flavoured fizzy water in the coach, a quick bar room brawl, then the cheap hookers will arrive 30 mins before kick off for the warm up. (Prostitutes provided by our proud sponsors 'This is Darts'. Providing all the arrows you'll ever need. "Darts, the sport of kings.... and fat bastards")



It will be the public's first chance to see the lad's silky skills and fantastic fitness levels. Such stars as Stuart 'pixie faced Ponce' Horton and Paul 'fat Brad Pitt' Rainsford will be turning out and will be signing autographs before and after the game. They are a bit fussy though so if you want an autograph make sure you bring your Mrs or your Mother as they will only be signing women's breasts. Stu Horton will make exceptions and will be also signing men's arses.

When we started training we started with a bunch of sorry, horribly unfit, ugly, sour faced bastards.... This was because only me and Daniel Baldwin turned up. Turns out we got the wrong day for training. It could have been worse. Paul Rainsford turned up a month early and got the wrong venue. Under Baroness John Robinson's skilled leadership we are now a bunch of sorry, slightly unfit, ugly in a good looking kind of way bastards who can play a bit of football.

Mr Robinson's management style has been likened to a mixture between Juande Ramos, in that he can't speak very good English and Martin Jol, because he looks like him and looks a twat in a baseball cap. Only time will tell if the confidence of the manager will be justified by his teams performances.

I won't be there personally. I'll be on a booze fueled scouting mission at St Andrews. I've heard Preston North End have got a few useful players. I'm sure you'll join me in wishing the lads all the best against the washing powder team.

Good luck to ya pals!!


P.s. For those of you concerned, Young Maisey has been moved out of intensive care and doctors say she should start talking again soon. They expect her to be fully recovered in the next 12 to 18 months and should be out of the wheel chair in time for Christmas. Good luck to you Maisey.

A remorseless Mr Robinson said after the game "It was a load of bollocks! Never a red card. If she can't take it she shouldn't be on the cow arsing pitch." Mr Robinson narrowly escaped a prison sentence at Solihull Magistrates court for the tackle. The judge said it was for his own safety. Maisey's Girl Guides troop have a contract out to get his legs broken and I'm proud to say I've won the contract and will be doing the honours next time I see the bastard.