Pre-season Training Starts Tonight!!

The easy reds intensive pre-season training regime starts tonight at their luxury training ground in Chelmsley Wood. I spoke with the gaffer about his training techniques and schedules and the lads will be surprised by John's technical approach to their training sessions. Describing his plans for the first session he used some very big words and technical jargon so I'll break it down for you and tell you in lamen's terms the schedule for the session tonight and what the lads will be put through.

6.44pm Arrive at the High tech training facility know as "Chelmsley Wood swimming baths"
6.45pm Pick teams
7.00pm Play 5 a side for an hour
8.00pm End of training

I'm sure you'll agree this far out and futuristic approach to football training is way ahead of its time! Sir Alex Ferguson has caught wind of these techniques and was so impressed he vowed to 'steal' some of robbo's ideas.

St John's ambulance will be on standby for some of the less fit members of the squad and they will be carrying resuscitation equipment to keep some of the lads alive through the training session. Speaking to the St John's ambulance Representative who will be present tonight he told me "looking at the lads who will be attending training tonight I'm optimistically estimating that we will suffer a maximum 3 cardiac related fatalities tonight. The rest will probably just lose the ability to walk and speak for a few days. There will be some very unfit blokes out there tonight. It is actually the case that some people just shouldn't attempt heavy exercise! It'll be a busy night that's for sure!"

Joking aside..... Actually I'd have nothing to say if we put joking aside.

As with any top football team the training ground car park will be full of flash motors tonight. Everything from Ford Escort Vans to 12 year old Rovers. One motor journalist estimated that there will be at least a grands worth of motors in the car park during tonight's session. I can't say anything though pal because my car has depreciated that much in it's 15 year life that if I sold it to you, I'd owe you money. It doesn't matter what each player drives however. One thing we can guarantee is that the good people of Chelmsley wood do not discriminate and will break into all of them. In fact, I've already tipped my brother off (He lives over the road) that there will be a lovely little R reg Rover 25 in the car park tonight.

So lets hope tonight's training session goes well and all the players get through the bloody thing. I won't be attending tonight because I picked up a niggling injury last Saturday night. I was out on the pull with a welsh friend of mine and I picked up the knock when the sheep bolted.

I will be writing any obitchuarys on this site tomorrow if tonight's session does end in any deaths. Good luck to you pals!